It's 3:30 p.m. and all I've eaten today is peanut butter. I bought the jar a week ago...and I've already hit the bottom of it. Told you I like peanut butter.

I am a mess. Despite what my friends and loved ones think, I am a mess. With 7 seasons of Grey's Anatomy under my belt, I think I'm quite qualified to diagnose myself, thank you.

I get my work done. I hang out with friends. I watch sunsets, do yoga, go on long drives and am inspired by beautiful things. I am a fully functioning adult. But on the inside, just right in between my central core and my outer layers, I am in a FUNK. And I have been for quite some time now.

The hardest part is, I'm not sure what more I can do. Sure, I can stop devouring peanut butter like it's my dream job. But does that solve anything? Nuh-uh. I may not know much, but one thing I do know how to do is  solve problems. I know that in order to solve a problem, one must first identify the ROOT of the problem.

I have definitely mastered that step. I've identified AND defined the root (in my personal journals) almost to the point of oblivion. I've defined it through diagrams and images, through obscure poems and short stories. And no, I'm not going to tell you what it is.

The thing is, the root of the problem - the nature of it is something that cannot be solved by me. It cannot be solved by me or my actions. In this case, it really just takes time and patience.

Annnnnd, there it is. Patience. Something that I lack, something I have low quantities of. Patience. Lack of patience is making me a mess.

I get it now. Life (God, the Universe, the Force or what have you) is funny. And clever! Life really gives you whatever you truly need. Impatience is one of, if not the biggest, vices I have. I lack so much patience....that life gave me a problem that can only be solved by an abundance of it.

Haha, I get it. Thank you, life.


In other news: I blushed when I read this. The funny thing is, I admire this woman like mad. And here she is, saying positive things about me? I don't know what to say except thank you. I'm so glad you enjoy my food. You are an inspiration to meeeee. 

1 comment:

J said...

give yourself permission to love yourself. Love everything about yourself, yes, *everything*, yes even the fact that did/saw/ate/ *that*. slowly "the mess" will unravel, you'll feel the layers peeling off. Love ya girl